Novocain doesn't really stop the pain
by Pay Backs a Bitch
Summary: Allen is depressed, but hides it well. Kanda sees through it and won’t stop until he finds out why. Why won’t Allen let anyone be more than a friend? And how did Cross’s habits really effect Allen? KandaAllen
1. Healing the pain?

**Well, this is my first D. Grey-Man story. I was reading some and I wondered if maybe Allen was ashamed by his arm. And I was listening to Green Day's 'Give me Novocain'.**

**Summery: Allen is depressed, but hides it well. Kanda sees through it and won't stop until he finds out why. Why won't Allen let anyone be more than a friend? And how did Cross's habits really effect Allen[KxA**

**I don't own D. Grey-Man, if I did Allen and Kanda would be getting in trouble all the time for too much fluffy-ness. **

* * *

_-Flashback-_

Allen and Kanda had been fighting Akuma in Russia while looking for Innocence. They had discovered it to be a false trail and now were headed back to the train. They had nothing with them because all of their spare clothes and Allen's jacket had been destroyed by the Akuma.

As they past through a village, Allen kept his head low. He had been to this village once with his Master before and he didn't want anyone to recognize him and demand money. Sadly a man in the crowd recognized his snowy white hair.

"Hey you bastard, you're an apprentice to the asshole Cross who owns me money. Pay up!"

When Allen continued walking, pretending not to know the man, he lashed out. He grabbed the left sleeve of Allen's shirt and tried to pull him back. The material, already weak from fighting, tore from the rest of the shirt revealing Allen's cursed red arm.

"Gah!" the man screamed. "What are you? Some kinda freak? Get outta HERE!"

A heartbroken look appeared on his face. Allen ran to the train, trying to escape the whisperings coming from the local people. It had been like this every time someone got a good look of his arm. It was the reason his parents wanted nothing to do with him. It was why he wore a long sleeve shirt all year long, no matter how hot it was. As much as he loved being an exorcist, he would trade anything not to have his weapon attached to his arm in a bloody red mess.

Kanda starred at Allen's retreating form. He didn't completely understand why Allen ran away. Normally Allen was all smiles. But now he ran like a child who had been told he didn't belong to the world. Kanda turned to the man who had ripped Allen's sleeve off.

"Consider you life repayment from him" he snarled before running after Allen.

He caught up with Allen who was already in the car, looking out the window.

_-End flashback-_

It had been like that for three hours now. Slowly Allen's lips started moving.

"It's pathetic, isn't it? How I can face death on a daily basis, yet the moment my arm is exposed to the world I run away." Allen said.

Kanda continued to look at him with a blank expression, but inside his head was spinning with confusing. Why did it matter so much to Allen? As if reading his mind Allen continued.

"You wanna know why it matters to me? Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I try to seem polite, everyone runs, or screams, or avoids me after they see my arm. Even my master didn't like to look at it. Whenever he was offered clothing for me, he insisted it was long sleeve. The only person who it didn't really matter to was Mana." He flexed his arm "Any friend I ever had has been lost because of this…this…this arm!" He couldn't contain the tears anymore, they flowed down his face.

Kanda watched the boy cry. He had always thought of Allen as a happy-go-lucky sort of person. Now he realized that was just to try to get people close to him without thinking he was a freak the only way he knew how. He _appeared _selfless and thoughtless of anyone but himself. And if they rejected him, he ran like an injured animal. He tried covering it up with his sugary sweet smiles, but they washed away with the disgusted comments.

Now that Kanda thought about it, this was the first time he had seen Allen's arm. He was extremely good at hiding it. But Kanda wasn't sickened by it. He had seen things far worse. But he supposed that when you haven't lived the life of an exorcist, Allen's arm would be rather alarming. Allen must have felt extremely isolated when his arm was exposed.

"Hey, moyashi," Kanda started, expecting to be given the traditional "my name is Allen. A-L-L-E-N!" speech. When Allen didn't even bat an eyelash he became angry.

"Oi, beansprout. Look at me when I'm talking to you" Slowly Allen turned his head to face Kanda.

"Why? Why do you care about what those people think? Why does it matter so much?"

"Because, I just…I just want to be accepted. The only way that can happen is if I hide my arm from the world."

"Mana didn't care." Kanda simply stated. Allen's head whipped up.

"Don't you dare talk about Mana!" he yelled at the older swordsmen. "He's the only family I ever had. He was the only one who truly accepted me. So don't talk about him like you know him!"

"I may not have known him," Kanda stated. "But I know how he felt. You think it matters to me about your arm? I've seen things ten times more horrible than it. I haven't flinched at the site of it this entire time. But I can say that I'm ashamed of you. You think Mana was the only family you had? What about Lavi and Linalee? Aren't they family?"

Allen didn't say anything. True, he was very close with red-haired devil, and the sweet girl, but he didn't want a family. If he had a family, he'd forget about Mana.

After a few more hours Kanda got up to get some food and talk to the Finder. When Allen heard the door slide shut he turned to Timcampy.

"Tim, I need one," He said. "I haven't used it in a while, so please don't fight with me now."

Tim reluctantly opened his mouth and Allen pulled out a small syringe filled with Novocain. He put it into his left arm; it didn't hurt his mind as much if he could properly feel his arm. As he slowly pushed the syringe down the door open.

Kanda had come back after finding out he could have dinner delivered to him in half an hour. What he came back to see was Allen with his eyes half closed pushing down something, it looked like a needle, into his arm. He took a few breathes and as calmly as he could ask…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BEANSPROUT?!?!?!"

Allen's eyes opened in shock. How was he gunna get himself outta this one?

* * *

**Well, that's the end of Chapter one. Tell me what you think.**

**Cya **

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	2. So Give me Novocain

**Here's Chapter 2. I included the lyrics to 'Give me Novocain' at the bottom of the page. Hope you enjoy chapter 2.**

**Disclaimer: I couldn't come up with something witty and funny to put here, so you think of something you'd think I'd say. Or laugh at the girl who is currently lacking witty-ness. So, in conclusion, I don't own D. Grey-Man**

* * *

-Flash Back- 

"Mana, what's that stuff in the needle?" a young Allen asked his foster father.

"It's called 'Novocain' Allen. I use it to freeze the nerves of the people whose teeth I work on. That why it doesn't hurt them." Mana explained as he injected it into one of his patient's mouths. "Now go run along and see if there's someone in the waiting room for you to play with."

--

A twelve year old Allen sat on the cold ground, leaning against Mana Walker's grave. He sat crying because he had brought Mana back and Mana had been very mad wit him. Slowly he remembered something Mana had told him. 'Novocain helps to stop the pain' he had said. If there was ever a time when Allen wanted the pain to stop it was now. Slowly he reached into the pocket of Mana's old jacket and pulled out the key to the dentist office. He could go there and get some Novocain to stop the pain.

Eventually, after getting lost half a dozen times, he found the front door of the office. After letting himself in, he ran to where Mana kept the needles. Knowing that his mouth didn't hurt, he injected it into the arm that had killed Mana. A wave of peace came over him. After packing up the remaining needles for later he headed back to Mana's grave. A few hours later he was found by General Cross.

-End Flash Back-

* * *

Allen starred at Kanda; hoping to find out that is was just a reaction of the drug. He knew it couldn't be though. Novocain caused numbness, not Hallucinogens. 

"I'll repeat my self moyashi. What the hell are you doing?"

Instead of answering Kanda, Allen closed his eyes, leaned his head back and continued to inject the fluid into his blood stream. Kanda was angered by this and walked over to Allen and yanked the needle from his arm without causing injury. Allen opened his eyes and looked at Kanda with a hazy expression. "Give that back," he said.

Kanda looked down at Allen. Why would the young English boy turn to drugs? Sure there came a point where people experimented. Kanda himself had a joint once with Lavi, but after he inhaled, he spent the next three minutes choking on the smoke that filled his lungs. He didn't understand why anyone would enjoy that. He also told Lavi that if he ever offered him something like that again he would cut Lavi up with a dull blade.

"Why not, it makes the pain lessen to a point where it's humanly bearably," Allen said calmly.

"Don't you know what this stuff does to you?" Kanda said angered further by Allen's obvious lack of caring.

"Duh, why else would I take it? If I wanted to act like an idiot I'd have some Mary Jane, if I wanted to completely screw my life over I'd take heroine. All I want is something that'll take the pain away for a little while. It's not like I'm the only person on the face of the earth who does it." Kanda was stunned. The kid seemed so innocent, how'd he figure out so much about drugs and their affects on the human body? He didn't even know that much because he knew that the body was a temple and that polluting it was a sin against god.

"Well, know that we've discussed some of the other things that'll kill you, mind explaining how you even got whatever's in that needle?"

"Novocain," Allen said.

"What?" Kanda was confused. Was the drug causing Allen to lose his mind?

"That's what inside the needle, Novocain. And I got it from the infirmary if you must know. But that's just one of the places where I can find it. Personally, I find that small town dentists have the best. But that's also where I got my supply from. And you don't need to worry about me really. I've been doing this for years with no one, except you and Cross, catching me. I'm not going to overdose."

Kanda couldn't stop himself; he reached out and slapped Allen right across the face. "Bake Moyashi, you shouldn't have been doing it for years! You're fifteen; you're supposed to start experimenting by now. Not already knowing what you prefer out of a list! You're not even supposed to even be using drugs since you're in the Black Order!"

"There's no rule against it, I already checked so don't try to tell me that." Allen said calmly.

"What do you mean you checked? There is too a rule against it. Last time they found a heroine addict and he was suspended until he was finally clean. They locked him up so he couldn't see his friends or family. I don't know how they do it, but everyone who goes in, comes out clean a few months later."

"Yeah, but the difference between me and that guy is he had a heroine problem, whereas I use Novocain. Which means, since it's used in the infirmary, can't be held against me. Besides I don't have a problem."

"Yes Allen, you do. There's reason why you should be taking drugs just because some guys made a comment about your arm. You're bigger than that."

"Yeah, I guess. Whatever," Allen's eyes slid shut and he fell into a light sleep just as the dinner trolley came by.

"Where do you want me to put all of this food sir? The man driving the trolley asked.

"Just leave it here, someone will return the trolley when we're done with it," Kanda said; pleased with himself for not killing the man for coming at an incredibly inconvenient time.

The man left with a small bow and Kanda turned his attention to Timcampy. "You've got them, don't you?" he asked the golem. Tim flew around Kanda's head in a manner that said 'yes'.

"Can you give me the ones he has left so that this incident won't happen for a while?"

Tim opened his mouth and a large amount of needle handles came out of his storage compartment.

"Tim, when did he give you all these?" Kanda asked as he took the needles from the golden golem. Tim opened his mouth and showed a clip of Allen at the age of thirteen putting the needles inside of the golem, and telling him never to give the to General Cross. Kanda was disturbed by this. How long had Allen been dealing with his problems this way. There was only one person who knew, and he was asleep. Dead to the world.

* * *

_Take away the sensation inside. Bitter sweet migraine in my head. It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind. I can't take this feeling any more. Drain the pressure from the swelling. The sensations overwhelming. Give me a kiss goodnight, and everything will be alright. So give me Novocain._

_Out of body and out of mind. Kiss the demons out of my dreams. I get the funny feeling that's alright. Jimmy says it better than air. I'll tell you why. Drain the pressure from the swelling, the sensations overwhelming. Give me a kiss goodnight, and everything will be alright. Tell me that I won't feel a thing. So give me Novocain._

_Oh Novocain_

* * *

**Next chapter, they return to headquarters. What choice will Kanda make? Expose Allen's secret to the world, or keep it to himself for a while longer to try to help the young child. Wait for the next chapter to find out.**

**Kisses, hope you all like it.**

**Until next time,**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	3. A look into the past

**Here's Chapter three. The lyrics to 'My Heroine' by Silverstein are at the bottom. It may seem like all I listen to is songs about drugs, but those are generally the songs that inspire me to write. Happy-Go-Lucky stuff doesn't.**

**I still don't own D.Grey-Man, but I'm trying to find the manga so I can stop watching it on veoh.**

**Novocain doesn't really stop the pain chapter 3.**

* * *

-Flash Back-

* * *

_Allen Age Twelve_

General Cross was out again. Big surprise. Unfortunately he picked a horrible night to go out. It was the six month anniversary of Mana's death and Allen was an emotional wreck.

Allen searched out for the jacket left for him by Mana. Inside there were still a few needles he could use. But Timcampy, who had seen what Allen was doing with the needles, had hidden the jacket.

"Tim, please. Show me were my jacket is," Allen cried out. Tim continued to float above his head in what seemed to be a negative sort of way. "Please Tim. If you do…I'll tell you about Mana and my past so you can record to further understand me." Allen was using Tim's one weakness. A desire for knowledge.

Tim floated down into Allen's palm. After Allen told him the story of why he used those needles, he would fetch the jacket.

"Well, you see Tim, it all started on the twenty-fifth of December eleven years ago…"

_30 minutes later_

"…and that's when you and Master found me." Allen said finishing his story. Tim, pleased with the amount of data recorded went and got Allen's jacket. Allen was somewhat grateful. But he knew that if Tim hide the jacket again he would have no choice but to tell the small golem why he used the needles.

* * *

-End Flash Back-

* * *

"And in conclusion there was no Innocence to be found in that area of Russia," Kanda said to Koumi.

"And how were things with Allen?" the scientist asked.

Kanda wondered what he should do. Tell everyone what he had found Allen doing, or try to figure it out for himself?

"What do you mean by that?" he questioned, side-stepping the question.

"What I mean is did you two get along? Did you become such close friends that you stayed up all night with Allen braiding your hair. Trading little stories about your past, creating a bond so close that you'll become emotional wrecks if I give you different partners?"

Kanda stared at the man in front of him, with such rage in his eyes; Koumi swore the ends of his hair caught fire.

Koumi continued. "Or did you stay up; plotting how to kill him without anyone noticing it was you?"

Kanda stayed silent. Koumi's head just flopped down. There was no point in even asking that question.

"Regardless, you two will be paired up more often from now on,"

"Why?" Kanda asked.

"Because due to Allen being a parasite type, there is something called 'imprinting'. His Innocence imprints with someone else's. This means that he is more powerful when close to this Innocence. He happens to be imprinted by you, most likely because you were the first one to ever injure his weapon. Sometimes when this happens the two people become 'romantically' involved. But I don't think that'll be the case with you."

"What do you mean, romantically?" Kanda asked slowly.

"Well, because the Innocence is stronger, it often builds a sense of trust. You know you'll be able to fight better with that person around, because your Innocence level also increases. Normally your at 60 but when your with Allen your at 75. Anyways, two people often find themselves trying to protect the other one to keep that sense of security. Sometimes this bond develops into love. In the beginning it's usually a love for trust, but that will fade into love for the person. But you're so cold heated I don't think the sun could thaw you."

"Is that so? So the bean sprout is attached to me now? Great! How long will this be in effect?"

"Well, when's he's with you he's 69 synchronized with his Innocence. When he's not with you he's at 49. So until he reaches 69 on his own. Unless of course both the numbers go up. If he's always stronger with you, you'll have him until he dies, until you die, until he becomes a General, or until you become a General."

Kanda just nodded silently and stalked out of the room. So he was being partnered up with bean sprout more often? Well at least he would be able to stop the young boy from drugging himself up. As we walked down the hall he decided to pay the younger exorcist a visit.

"Oi, moyashi, guess what. We're gunna be exorcist buddies from now on," he yelled through the door. "Now open up, we have some business to discuss!" Not waiting for Allen to open the door he left him self in, to see Allen looking at him upside down.

"Get down from the chair moyashi. It'll be less tempting for me to hit you," Kanda said as said boy got off the chair. "Now then, let's have a talk about the train ride back home."

"Well, no that you mention it. I can't really remember what happened," Allen said smiling. In truth he knew exactly what happened. But it would be easier to convince Kanda that the grief had caused him to forget, than to try to convince Kanda that he imagined it. Unfortunately Kanda didn't go for that.

"Well in that case I'll remind you. I went to order some food after listening to you moan and bitch about your arm. When I got back to the cart you had a needle filled with Novocain shoved in your arm. When I asked about it then you admitted to doing it for years. Then before I could kill you, you fell asleep. Most likely because of all the pain killers going through your body!" Kanda's voice had gotten steadily louder over his monologue so at the end he was screaming at Allen.

Allen's eye looked into Kanda's sharply. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't go screaming stuff like that around. People need to deal. When your feeling down, you train until you past out, I know because I've had to drag you up to your bed half a dozen times. Why? Cause I'm a nice guy. I don't go sticking my nose into your business, so don't stick yours in mine!" Allen left his room in a huff. Timcampy went to follow his, but Kanda grabbed him back at the last second.

"You, my dear golem, are going to show me everything I need to know," Kanda said.

Tim flew out of Kanda's grasp and opened his mouth wide. There was a clip of a young Allen on the screen.

* * *

-Flash Back-

* * *

"Well, you see Tim, it all started on the twenty-fifth of December eleven years ago. I had been left on the streets at the age of one because my left arm is deformed. Apparently it was the Devil's Arm and I was not to be trusted. But luckily Mana found me…"

"…When I was 5 I learned that Mana was a dentist. He used to bring me into work sometimes so I could meet kids my own age. Although most of them were terrified cause they all thought they were going to have a drill shoved in their mouth. So I told them that Mana had a special liquid that he gave you to make the pain go away. I didn't know what it was but he always used it when he worked on my teeth. It made my tongue feel as big as the bible…"

"…One day Mana got really sick. Nothing worked. But he told me he was ok. He checked my teeth everyday at that point. When I asked him why, he said 'I want to see your bright smile everyday. Nothing should dim it.' That's why I smile and keep my teeth really clean. After about two weeks of doing this Mana died. After they buried him I got really sad and accidentally brought him back as an Akuma…"

"…and that's when you and Master found me." Allen said finishing his story.

* * *

-End Flash Back-

* * *

Tim shut his mouth. Apparently that was all Kanda was aloud to see right now. At least he better understood Allen's past to a certain point. Now he knew about Mana, and the reason behind the forever shinning smile. Yes, that was enough information for today.

* * *

_The drugs begin to peak. A smile of joy arrives in me. But sedation changes to panic and nausea. And breath starts to shorten. And heartbeats pound softer._

_You won't try to save me. You just want to hurt me. And leave me desperate._

_You taught my heart. A sense I never knew I had. I can't forget. The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth. How do you do it? You're my heroine._

_You won't leave me alone. Chisel my heart out of stone. I give in every time._

_You taught my heart. A sense I never knew I had. I can't forget. The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth. How do you do it? You're my heroine._

_I bet you laugh. At the thought of me thinking for myself (myself). I bet you believe (bet you believe). That I'm better off with you than someone else._

_Your face arrives again. All hope I had becomes surreal. But under your cover's. More torture than pleasure. And just past your lips. There's more anger than laughter. Not now or forever will I ever change you. I know that to go on I'll break you, my habit._

_You taught my heart. A sense I never knew I had. I can't forget. The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth. How do you do it? You're my heroine._

_I will save myself_

* * *

**As you can see, I continued the flash back from the beginning here at the end. I thought it was more fitting t his way so that you didn't think I was wasting your time by randomly telling you Allen's past. But his past shall still be revealed.**

**Oh, and he says his tongue is as swollen as a bible because I don't think they had phone books back then.**

**Until next time,**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	4. Journal

**Novocain Chapter 4. I wrote the first part of the story in a really bad state of mind (i.e. This is a reflection on how I felt) so don't going calling it crap, k?**

**I own volume 1!!! Man I feel sexy!**

* * *

It had been two days since Kanda's 'talk' with Allen. As he strode down the hallway he passed Allen's room. He paused after hearing some disturbing things. 

"I hate my life!" he heard Allen scream. "I just want it all to stop. I'm tired of being the best I can be, but everyone still blames it all on me! They think I'm not really listening to them so they whisper and lie about me when they think my backs turned. God I just want it all to end!" Kanda heard sobs coming from inside the room. Going against his better judgment he allowed Allen to remain alone. After all, what could he really do?

Allen sat on his bed, letting the tears roll down his soft pale cheeks, hearing only his ragged breath and the scratching of his pen on paper. When he was like this emotionally he wrote things like poems and short stories.

_I was here, but now I'm gone  
__I've left my name to tum_

_Those of you who know me  
__Know we well_

_Those of you who think you know me  
__Can go to hell_

It wasn't one of his best poems, but it helped to clear his mind.

Because of all the crying earlier Allen was getting a headache. Instead of going down and getting something to ease the on coming headache, he laid down on his bed until the pain took over his mind and he was enveloped on blackness.

--

As Kanda walked back from the cafeteria he decided to check on Allen. When he got to the younger boys room he knocked steadily on the door. Getting no reply he let himself in. There on the bed was a sleeping Allen with tear stains on his face. On the side table beside the bed there was an old, worn out notebook. Kanda walked over and picked it up the old book. He turned to the front page. It read:

_The only gateway to the heart of Allen Walker. No one is welcome._

Kanda smirked. As if one little 'no one is welcome' sign was going to stop him. He was the great Yu Kanda, he always got what he wanted, and what he wanted was to read Allen's journal.

He turned to the first entry.

--First Page--

Hello, my name is Allen, and no one wants me.

The proof is that I'm living on the streets after my parents threw me out. If they didn't want me, who would? I steal food, clothes and other things (like this book). The only thing that is given to me is an open chair at the dentist. Mostly because this one doctor, they call him Mana, has insisted that I come. He's a nice man who makes me feel special so I go often.

Maybe someday, someone who's like Dr. Mana will want me. Maybe one day I'll be an important person with friends and loved ones.

Or maybe one day I'll die, and no one will notice. Yes, I think that's more likely.

My name is Allen. I'm a ghost child wondering this Earth. One day I'll disappear like a shadow, and no one will care.

--End first page--

Kanda starred at the book. Judging by what was written down, Allen was incredibly young. Maybe 5 at the most. Apparently Mana hadn't taken him in right away. Somehow Allen had survived on his own somehow. Probably by taking food, and living in churches and old abounded shacks.

Looking over at Allen, Kanda could tell the boy wasn't waking up soon. He decided he could pass the time by reading more of Allen's journal entries.

--Second Page--

Life is stupid, and contagious.

Here we are now, entertain us.

_Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit_

--End second page--

Kanda starred at the book. Perhaps music had been part of the reason Allen had held on for so long. He turned to the next real entry.

--Second entry--

Something rare happened to me today. I was taken out for lunch by Dr. Mana. He went to this nice little restaurant and he let me eat until I was full. It was a nice change from stale bread.

Afterwards he took me to get some new clothes. Apparently he has no family of his own so he has some extra money to spend. Lucky. But it was still nice of him to buy me a pair of shoes, a new sweater and a new hat. That's all I wanted. My pants are still in good condition and I have four pairs of gloves.

But the best part of all was Dr. Mana said if I ever couldn't find a place to stay one night, he'd let stay with him! Now hopefully I won't get as sick as I usually do in the winter.

But with all this good stuff happening I'd better watch out. This is just the calm before a big storm.

--

Kanda stopped reading at this point. Allen was stirring and he didn't want to get caught. Slowly he was unraveling the mystery of Allen's dark past. But did he really want to? He himself would have been upset if Allen started prying. Not that there was much to discover. His family had been killed; he was looking for the killer. It was black and white.

Allen's past though; it was grey. No real defined colour. A lot had been black, but some parts were white too. They formed to make an undefined, unstable grey.

Kanda put the tattered book down just as Allen opened his eyes.

"How long have you been there?" he asked when he spotted Kanda.

"Just came in," Kanda knew if he told the truth Allen would become distant.

Allen noticed his journal was on the bedside. Quick as lightning he reached over and picked it up.

"Tim, swallow this," the tiny golem opened its mouth and swallowed the book.

"What was that?" Kanda asked playing dumb.

"That was none of your business. And don't even think about getting it. You need to know the password." Allen crawled out of his bed and walked to the bathroom; where he washed his face leaving no trace of tears behind.

Taking a deep breathe he calmed his mind. It wasn't that he secretly hid his depression. He _was _reallynormally very happy. He just had his off weeks like everyone else. He liked to be alone and wallow in his self hate just like everyone else. Walking out of the bathroom he greeted Kanda with a smile.

"Well I'm going down for lunch. I'd ask you to join me but I'm pretty sure you've already eaten. Good bye," Allen turned to leave when Kanda called him back.

"Allen. We need to talk eventually. You can't avoid me forever."

Allen kept his back to Kanda. "I know," he whispered before leaving the room followed by Timcampy.

'Hmm,' Kanda thought. 'That journal might be the key to everything.' Kanda left the room to train. He would confront Allen again after training.

* * *

**Hope you like it, please review. Chapter 5 of Looking is going up tomorrow for anyone who's reading both stories. Chapter 5 of this story is coming…soon.**

**Ta-ta for now**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	5. New Mission

**Novocain doesn't really stop the pain, chapter 5. Wow, this is the fastest I've ever updated. Oh well, have to start writing the end for What I Deserve soon, two chapter and it should be done. So it may be a couple of weeks before this is updated again. I'm just trying to finish my Inuyasha stories.**

**If I owned D.Gray-Man, Kanda would be locked in my closet due to his smexy-ness.

* * *

**

Kanda was no a person you disturbed when he was training. Mostly because he trained blindfolded so he couldn't see anyone coming, but he could hear you coming. But since he didn't have a super sense of smell he couldn't tell who was coming. So he attacked them. So when Kanda trained no one disturbed him. If they did though, they would learn he only had his sword out for about one third of the hour he spent training. First he would meditate to prepare for training, then he would train, then he would mediate to calm his body after training.

Unfortunately he was having a hard time doing that last part. He couldn't get Allen out of his mind. One minute he was seeing Allen smiling, then he saw Allen with the needle in his arm, then he saw Allen dead from an overdose. He didn't know why but this disturbed him. He blamed it on what Koumi had said that he subconsciously relied on Allen. The back of his mind was just threatening him of feelings that he shouldn't have. If he didn't separate himself now, he would be feeling regret later on.

Finally figuring he would never get the peace of mind he craved so dearly, he left the training room in order to take a shower. Because it was still quite early almost no one was in the halls, so no one noticed when he stopped in front of Allen's room to check on the boy. Peaking his head past the door he saw the younger male sleeping silently on his side. Kanda frowned. The boy was sleeping in the fetal position, what did he have to fear? Deciding that he already had enough to think over Kanda left.

Once he got to his room he stepped right into the bathroom. Stripping naked he stepped under the shower head and was blasted by a stream of warm water. After washing himself he stood under the hot stream just relaxing, while singing a song to himself.

_Welcome to the plant  
Welcome to existence  
Everyone's here  
Everyone's here  
Everybody's watching you now  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next  
What happens next_

He was interrupted by a knock to his door. Quickly doing up the rest of the buttons on his jacket who walked over to the door.

"Who's there?" he called not willing to let the person in if it was Lavi.

"It's just me Kanda. I have an assignment for you." Linalee called. Kanda opened the door and she stepped inside with a familiar black folder.

"The details are inside. It's a long term assignment," She handed him the folder and then left him alone. Flipping open it he smirked.

"Joy, a long term assignment with Moyashi. Oh the fun we shall have."

"Linalee, how are you?" Allen asked as he sat down across from said girl.

"I'm good. How are you Allen?"

"I'm good. Thanks for asking."

Linalee waited for Allen to finish eating before continuing to make any conversation.

"So I hear you Kanda are being paired up more."

"Really? Why?" Allen was genuinely curious.

"Apparently your Innocence is stronger when you're together. So Nii-san is assigning you two on tough missions together," Linalee said smiling in way that made Allen sweat drop.

"Ano how can say that so easily?"

"Silly Allen, you're a big boy. I think you can handle a few tough missions without having me as your partner."

"…you're killing my masculine pride."

"Well fix it; you've got a mission tomorrow. Somewhere in Canada."

"Great, long mission?"

"Two days on a train, two months on a boat, three months doing the mission, then another two months back on a boat, and another two day train ride. So about eight months."

"I'll be gone for my birthday," Allen said.

"Really? When is it? I could try to have some cake ready for when you get back," Linalee already had half the party planned out in her mind.

"I don't really know when it is, but Mana claimed it was the 25th of December because that's when he found me."

"Awww, you're a Christmas baby."

"…yeah," Allen said getting up to leave.

"Oh, one more thing. Nii-san said you need to go see Kanda to get more information about the mission," Linalee said rising from her chair. "Well, see you soon!"

"Yeah, see you soon," Allen said. 'If Kanda doesn't kill me first' he thought.

After walking around a maze of hallways and stairways, he finally made it to the training room. He opened the door and stuck his head in.

"Hello? Anyone here? Kanda? Are you in here?"

"What do you want baka moyashi?" came a voice from behind him.

"WAH! Don't scare me like that!!" Allen screamed pressing a hand to his rapidly beating heart.

"Che still doesn't tell me why you're looking for me. Gunna give me some of the answers I want?"

"No, I came to ask you about the mission to Canada."

"I'll make you a deal. You answer my questions; I'll answer your questions. I thought up the deal so I get to go first. What else? There has to be something else besides drugs."

Allen was stunned. He wasn't expecting that as his first question. "You're right. There is something else, music. It helps me cope. I use Novocain less often since I started listening to music. Hopefully I'll find my turning song soon."

"What's that?" Kanda asked already forgetting the deal.

"It'll be the song that opens up the path in my heart and makes me feel like I can really move on," Allen explained.

"Have you come close to finding your turning song?"

"Close, but I haven't really found the right one. Now I believe I get three questions. What are we doing?"

"Canada has a new headquarters set up and we're going to work there for the first three months until they get more exorcists from the area."

"That makes sense. Now question two. Why us?"

"I'm going because I have the highest record of completed missions. You because you're a parasite type and because we're supposed to be partners from now on."

"Ok, last question."

"What is it?"

"Am I going to need warmer clothes? Canada is supposed to be very cold this time of year."

"Yes, Koumi is providing us with new, warmer jackets and other necessary items."

"That's a relief. It'll be like a present."

"Why do you deserve a present bean sprout?"

"Well, we'll be in Canada during my birthday."

"When's your birthday?" Kanda asked.

"When's yours?"

"I asked you first," Kanda said feeling slightly childish.

"Allen!" Lavi screamed. "You're leaving me for eight whole months to be with Kanda. Oh how cruel the world is!"

"Lavi…stop speaking like we're lovers."

"I'm not. I'm speaking like you're my little brother. Which you are."

"No," Allen said. "I'm not."

"Then I'm adopting you. With Kanda as my witness, we are now brothers! Now let Brother Lavi give Brother Allen a piggy back!"

Allen turned to Kanda. "HELP ME!"

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**Another chapter done. Now I have a small dilemma. I have a story plot in mind for a new D.Gray-Man fanfiction, but I'm not too sure how people will like it. So here's the summery, you tell me what you think.**

_Allen Walker is the lead singer of Moyashi, the hottest new band, and gay. Kanda is their #1 fan and in love with Allen. What will happen when he gets the chance to meet Allen[K/A_

**So tell me if you think I should post the first chapter or not.**

**Until next time**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	6. game of questions

**New chapter for Novocain doesn't really stop the pain. I hope everyone enjoys it. And as far as lack of updates go, I'm very sorry.**

**Still don't have the rights. But perhaps a Google search is in order. **

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Kanda and Allen sat across from each other on the train. Neither one talking, creating an awkward silence. 

Kanda wanted to talk about Allen's past. Allen wanted to talk about anything except for his past.

"Ano, Kanda?" Allen finally asked.

"What?" Kanda said.

"Would you like to play a game with me?"

"Not if the game is poker. Lavi already warned me about your black side. And he mentioned that you only played Strip Poker."

"Actually I was going to suggest playing 20 Questions," Allen said.

"What's that?" Kanda asked.

"I ask you a question, and then you ask me a question. We can either play until we each ask the other 20 questions, or we ask 10 questions each."

"Fine, we both ask 10 questions," Kanda said.

"But no asking about the others past, And its Vegas Style."

"What's Vegas Style?" Kanda asked.

"What happens in the in the train cart, stays in the train cart."

"And if something leaves the train cart?"

"Death to the blabber mouth," Allen said smiling. Not his normal smile, but his Dark Allen smile.

"Fine, you go first."

"What's your favourite colour?"

"Seriously? That's your first question," Kanda asked.

"Be quiet," Allen said. "Just answer the question."

"Fine, my favourite colour is orange."

"Really? I thought it would be black or something like that."

"Yeah well, it's my turn." Kanda racked his brain trying to think of a question that didn't involve Allen's past. "…What's your favourite colour?"

"Wow, really original Kanda," Allen said laughing.

"Just answering the question moyashi," Kanda growled.

"Fine, fine. My favourite colour is metallic silver. My turn! Why is orange your favourite colour?"

"It reminds me of the setting sun in Japan. Same question."

"I like metallic silver the most because it can be dark or light depending on how you look at it.

"That's pretty deep," Kanda said.

"Really? I never thought it was. Anyways, question number three. Why did you save me that time in Mattel?"

"You saved me first. I was just returning the favor."

"Fair enough," Allen said. "Your go."

"Why do you insist on saving everyone? Even if it means putting your own life in the line."

"Well, when I was growing up, very few people helped me. I guess you could say I'm returning the favor a hundred times over."

"I thought you said no talking about our pasts?" Kanda asked.

"I said no asking about the others past. I chose to tell you that. Why do you dislike Lavi so much?"

"He calls me by my first name when I don't want him to. Therefore he is disrespecting me."

"Oh."

"Why do you like Lavi so much?"

"He's funny. And kind of like the older brother I never had."

"If Lavi were my sibling, I'd kill myself."

"Yeah, yeah. This is my last question. What's your favourite time of day?"

"Twilight, it's the most peaceful time there is. Why did you pick this game?"

"So I could get to know you better of course!" Allen said yawning. "Now be quiet, I'm tired and trying to sleep."

Kanda looked out the window, surprised by how much time had actually gone by. Still not feeling the effects of exhaustion, he chose to watch Allen.

"Master Cross," he heard Allen say in his sleep. "Why do good people die?" Pause. "But bad people are living longer than good people." Pause. "Ok Master. I'll fight for the good people."

Kanda wasn't sure about what Allen was talking about. So instead of thinking about it too much he chose to give in to the fatigue that was blurring his vision.

Kanda's Dream

Kanda wandered down an empty street, wondering where he was.

"Hey, look who it is," he heard a kid yell.

"That's the red armed freak," came the voice of another kid. At the mention of a red arm Kanda headed in the direction of the voices.

"Bug off," he heard a younger Allen say.

"You think you can tell us what to do? We'll teach you a lesson." Kanda picked up his pace. Why was this street so long?

Finally he found the bodies that the voices belonged too. They were punching and kicking a brown haired Allen.

"Leave him alone!" Kanda yelled. But the three children never noticed him.

"Hold him down," the ring leader called to his two friends. "And make sure he's on his stomach. I want a nice clear view of his back." The other two children raced to hold down Allen's struggling body. The oldest pulled out a knife and lifted the back of Allen's shirt. Carefully he cut the words 'No Freaks Aloud' into Allen's tender flesh, not caring about the pain filled screams that were spilling from Allen's mouth. When he was finished he added a few more cuts and gashes for good measure.

"Let this be a lesson to you," he whispered into Allen's ear. "No one wants you. You're a worthless little shrimp." Then the kids left, leaving behind a beaten and crying Allen.

Suddenly the area around Kanda got very bright.

"Do you see what he went through as a child?" a voice asked.

"Yes, who are you?"

"I'm the spirit that was once Mana Walker. This was no dream. It was a memory of something that actually happened. I showed you this to best understand Allen. Promise me you'll look after him."

"I promise," Kanda said.

"Thank you."

End Dream

Kanda's eyes slowly opened as he remembered his dream. Was it a dream? He decided the only way to know for sure was to check Allen's back for scars.

He stepped across the room to where Allen lay sleeping. He carefully moved the coat up so it went past Allen's head. He untucked the shirt and moved it above Allen's head along with the grey vest. There on Allen's back, in faded scars, read 'No Freaks Aloud.'

"Moyashi," Kanda growled. "Wake up." Allen didn't stir so Kanda tried a dirty trick. "Look at all the topless girls!" he yelled. Allen did nothing which surprised Kanda. Lavi was usually wide awake at this point.

"Moyashi," he said smiling thinking of an evil plan. "There's a dango cart coming down the aisle. And there all free." Allen began to make eating noises in his sleep, but still didn't wake up. Kanda, being out of original ideas, just took a piece of ice from the refreshment part of the cart and put it down Allen's shirt.

"OMG!" Allen yelled jumping up, finally awake.

"Good, you're awake. Now we can talk," Kanda said as though he hadn't put ice down Allen's shirt.

"About what exactly?" Allen said keeping his cool.

"Why are there words carved into your back?"

"Why were you looking at my back?"

"I had a dream that involved your back so I checked it out. Now explain."

"Well, as weird as this might sound, having a red arm growing up doesn't make you the most popular kid. Some would even go as far as to call it freakish. So some of the kids gave me a sign to remember."

"And you don't fear knifes? At all?"

"I used to, but I got over it. Whenever a knife cuts me I go kinda numb in that area. That's why I don't freak that much when you threaten me with Mugen. Now can we please drop it? It's breakfast time and I'm hungry." Allen left the cart in order to search for food.

"I should probably cut down on the number of 'cut you to ribbons' threats I use on Allen," Kanda said following Allen to the dinning car.

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**Yay!! I really liked writing this. My inner sadist side was out of control for the past few days so it's a little violent.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	7. An old friend

**Here you go everyone!! The next chapter!! I know it's been a while so I made this chapter longer that what I usually write. Also I put in most of Allen's past.**

**Don't own it, never will –gives up dream-

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**

Allen and Kanda stared in opposite direction, refusing to even glance at the person they were currently stuck in a room with. Allen refused to look at Kanda out of angry, and Kanda refused to look at Allen out of spite. The finder that was with them was sitting in the hallway outside trying to ignore the sheer awkwardness that radiated from the room. He thought back to the event that had caused this situation.

--Flash back--

Allen was by himself, not that unusual when the person you're sharing a room with is constantly getting up to check the perimeter of the train, always being ready in case there was a sneak attack. Allen, knowing Kanda would be gone for a few more minutes turned to flying golden object that he was sharing the room with.

"Tim, open wide. I want to see how many needles I have left to use before I have to refill again. If I remember correctly I had seven last time," Allen said to the golden golem. Tim opened his mouth and Allen looked in to see, nothing. Absolutely nothing. There were no needles there at all. Allen knew he didn't have that bad of a problem which left only one option.

"Kanda," he said with anger as his eyes closed slightly into a glare as his black side began to emerge.

He started to glare at the door, waiting for Kanda to enter. After twenty minutes of pointless glaring Kanda finally re-entered the room.

"We will be stopping in about two hour's time so the train can reload. Everyone has to get off and unfortunately we're no exception in this situation. It'll take about twenty minutes in total so that gives us about fifteen minutes of free time," Kanda said before actually looking at Allen. "Why are you glaring at me?" he asked although he had a slight idea.

"Oh, I think you know why I'm glaring at you," Allen said as he jerked his head over to Timcampy's general direction.

"Oh, I see. So while I was gone you were going to indulge in your wonderfully healthy habit? Maybe next time I'll have to drag you with me so my partner doesn't die on the train."

"I wasn't going to use any of them, I was just checking to find out how many I had left," Allen said in his defense.

"Whatever you say," Kanda muttered loud enough for Allen to hear. Allen sat back in a huff and refused to talk to Kanda.

--End Flash Back--

The train slowed and finally came to a stop and Allen wasted no time running out of the room. Kanda sighed standing up, knowing he would have to keep the white haired boy within eye sight. Allen was known for having the worst sense of direction in the history of the Order. If no one was there to help him find his way he would end up on the roof, unless the roof was where he wanted to be. Then he ended up in the basement.

As Kanda got off the train his eyes followed Allen. And the group of men that were following Allen. Kanda rubbed his temples in vain. No matter where Allen went he always managed to cause trouble somehow. And most of the time when he caused trouble Kanda had to do something about it.

As Kanda followed the group of men following Allen he noticed that there were less and less people around them. And that the shadows were getting bigger. Only Allen could wander into an area like this when he was being followed.

Then, when Allen finally seemed to realize where he was the leader of the group slammed his against the wall.

"What's a pretty boy like you doing in a dirty place like this, hm?" he asked. In a swift movement he managed to turn Allen around so they were face to face. This man was obviously not drunk, and had purposely stalked Allen knowing his was male.

"I got lost. Now if you'd be so kind as to let me go I'd greatly appreciate it," Allen said remaining polite as always even though these men had very impolite intentions.

"Hear that boys?" The leader called. "He's lost and wants to go home. Got a special someone waiting for you? They can't be that special if they left you all alone. Hows about I kiss the pain away for you?"

"No thank you," Allen said trying to get away.

"Maybe you don't understand. In this situation you don't have a choice. Bruno, hold him still for me. His skin is just so tempting to touch," One of the other three men came forward and roughly grabbed Allen's arms, pulling them behind his back. "Now, now. Don't be too rough with out new little doll. They don't make them like this anymore." He reached his hand forward and grabbed Allen's chin. "Have you ever been kissed before boy?" he asked.

Allen shook his head, trying to get it out of the man's grasp. "No, and I don't want a slime ball like you to change that!" he said.

"That's too bad," said the man. "Cause I just love a pair of virgin lips." He slowly moved his head forward while Allen tried desperately to move his head back.

Kanda, who had been watching the entire scene hoping Allen would get out of it, finally had enough. When the men said the comment about loving virgin lips, Kanda knew he was referring to more than one part of the body. He jumped down from the rooftop he had been perched on, onto the man's head, effectively knocking him away from Allen.

"Kanda!" Allen cried forgetting his anger. The man behind holding Allen's arms dragged Allen closer, using him as a shield. Allen let out a hiss of pain from his arms being bent in such an awkward manner. Kanda turned his attention to Bruno.

"Try and hit me buddy. There's a good chance you'll get your boyfriend instead," he said grinning.

Kanda punched the man square in the jaw completely missing Allen. "He's not my boyfriend," he whispered dangerously. Allen stumbled forward onto his knees after being released so suddenly. Kanda used this time to beat the shit out of the other men. He wasn't quite sure why they had made him so angry. He just felt this overwhelming urge to protect Allen.

Finally when everything had calmed down and the men were thrown into a small pile Kanda turned to face Allen.

"You know what would have happened if I wasn't here, right?" he asked the silver haired boy.

"Yes," Allen said. "Thank you Kanda."

"Whatever bean sprout. Just don't let it happen again, got it?"

"Yes. And Kanda…"

"What now? We have a train to catch incase you forgot."

"I wanted to say, I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I realize now that I was in the wrong doing so."

"Apology accepted. Now let's move it." Kanda began the walk back to the station, Allen following behind in, fearful of being molested again. Once they reached the train Allen laid down on his bench and immediately fell asleep. After the emotional situation he had just been through his body needed to rest. Once again Allen began to sleep talk.

"Thank you Mr. Mana." He said. "Yes, blanket is very warm. Much nicer than sacks. Couch is good too. Better than benches at the old church. Thank you for letting me stay the night."

'Hm,' Kanda thought. 'So he did used to stay in an old church.'

After a while Kanda was greeted by a knock on the door.

"Yes," he called. "Who's there?"

"Pardon me Sir," a rather round man said. "But I noticed you had a boy with you. I was wondering if I could maybe talk to him."

"I'm afraid Allen isn't able to talk right now," Kanda said.

"Oh! So it is Allen. I thought it was despite the fact that he changed his hair colour," the man said. Kanda looked at him. "Oh you must be very confused. My name is Mr. Wilson. I'm an old friend of Mana Walker and Allen Walker."

"Oh," Kanda said. "Then please sit down. My name is Kanda."

"Hello Kanda, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Yes, could I perhaps ask you a few questions about Allen's past?"

"Certainly, I was there a lot of the time when he started living with Mana permanently."

"What about before then?" Kanda asked.

"Ah, no one really saw the boy. He was usually seen running away from whatever store he had stolen from. A ghost child almost. Some people would leave out little things like bread or apples, even old clothing for the boy. But not enough to keep him alive."

"Can you tell me about when he first came to your city?" Kanda asked.

"It was in early May I believe. No one really noticed him at first, until he was caught stealing food one day. That's when it came to the town's attention that we were unknowingly supporting a child. That's when some of the townsfolk began to leave out food and clothing. Mana took a special interest in the boy because he himself had no children. He spent a year trying to talk to Allen, but the boy was always so shy and guarded. Eventually Mana wore him down though,"

"How exactly did he do that?"

"Eventually everyone has to visit a dentist. Allen was no exception. When Mana caught the boy starring at the office holding his mouth in pain he invited him in. He talked to Allen while he worked on the boy. He explained that he had no children and at the end of appointment he told Allen that there was always a free chair for him. That's when Allen told Mana what his name was. No one in the town had known what it was even though Allen had lived there for a year. After that Allen spent more and more time with Mana, to a point where Mana adopted him and Allen took on his last name," the man said.

"And then Mana died," Kanda said not really asking a question.

"Yes and no one had seen Allen since. It's very nice to see he is still alive. We had thought something terrible had happened or the boy took his life. But it is a relief to know he is well."

"Thank you for telling me," Kanda said.

"Yes, but why didn't Allen tell you this?"

"He said that it was fuzzy and that he only remembered sitting by Mana's grave, nothing before that except that Mana was a very important person to him." Kanda said lying slightly.

"Well that's to be expected. Now if you would excuse me this is my stop. Please pass my greetings to Allen," the man said standing to leave.

"I will," Kanda said. He watched the man leave the train He was very grateful to have met him. Anything he could dig up on Allen helped. Sometimes Kanda's abilities to find out information matched Bookman's, but only if he really wanted to know something.

As the train started up again it gave a jerky thrust which woke up Allen. He placed a hand over his mouth as he yawned. "How long was I asleep?" he asked looking at Kanda as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Just a few hours," Kanda said.

"We still have another day on this train," he said starring out the window.

"It's really only half a yes, but yes we are stuck on this train for a while yet," Kanda said.

"Did anything exciting happen while I was asleep?" Allen asked looking at Kanda.

"No, nothing happened," Kanda said. He knew if he told Allen the truth he would become more guarded and distant. And that would just make the mission more difficult for Kanda in the end.

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**Yay!!! Another complete chapter. Also if you want to see some cool pictures go to my profile and pick the link that says 'Me Cosplaying as Kanda' it's me before I dressed I went to a party. I'm not saying you have to but I think you should.**

**Please Review.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	8. Malchik Gay

**I finally updated!! Sorry I took so long but I've had a two week final exam for Careers going on which was hell on Earth. Oh, and Malchik Gay means Gay Boy. I took the title from Malchik Gay by t.A.T.u.**

**I don't own D.Gray-Man.

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**They had been stuck on the train for more than 48 hours. It was their third and final day and they had officially run out of things to do. Kanda had gone through every battle strategy he had ever heard of, pointed out the weakness in each of them, compared them to one another, and rated the most effective to least effective. Allen had started doing his chair exorcises almost once an hour. It gave him something to do without putting his mind in a state of boredom.

Finally, after being on the train for 54 hours they were released!

Only to be crammed into a small carriage for the next 2 hours.

Both males were quite tired of sitting around and doing nothing. In their profession they were trained to run at top speed for up to thirty minutes. Sitting still for almost three days wasn't a skill either of the teens had.

Eventually though, the carriage came to a stop in the harbor were their home for the next three months was waiting. When the finder came around to open the side of the door Allen ran out, leaping and frolicking.

"What are you doing moyashi?" Kanda asked as he grabbed his stuff, leaving Allen's belongings with the finder.

"I'm stretching for the first time in three days, that's what I'm doing!" he called with a smile on his face.

"That's nice. Get a good look at the land, this is the last you'll be seeing of it for the next three months," Kanda marched past Allen onto the grand boat. It was a cruise of course, Koumi may not pay the exorcist but he always made sure they traveled in style.

"Aww, why do you always have to be a spoil sport Kanda?" Allen asked as he followed the older male onto the boat.

"Because," Kanda replied walking towards the first class cabins.

"That's not a proper sentence Kanda, that's the beginning of one. Now finish your statement," Allen said not leaving the samurai alone.

"Because I choose to burst your bubble so you won't drown my in sugar coated smiles," he said speeding up, hoping to lose the boy.

"Kanda, why are you so grumpy right now?" Allen asked picking up his pace as well.

"Because"

"Again with the incomplete answers! You weren't this bad on the train or in the cart. OH! I get it. You get sea sick don't you?"

"No, I just need to adjust the rocking atmosphere of the boat. This would be a lot easier if certain white haired teens would just leave me alone," he growled.

"Don't get your boxers in a twist, jeez," Allen muttered.

"What did you just say?" Kanda said turning to Allen with a vein popping out in his forehead.

"I said let's go explore the ship!" Allen said dodging out of mugen's hitting range and out the door. Kanda sheathed the sword and followed the younger male. While he didn't want to admit it out load Allen was right. Kanda would need to know the arrangement of the ship for the next three months so that he wouldn't get lost.

Exploring the ship took hours! This was mostly due to the fact that Allen was leading the way and so they ended up in every room about three times, Eventually Kanda got tired of all the mindless walking and took the lead. Even so, by the time they were done the ship had left the land and the moon was out.

"I'm tired," Allen said. "Where's my bed?" Allen wandered down to the sleeping chambers, clambered into his bed, and fell asleep, still in his exorcist uniform.

"This will be the longest three months of my life," Kanda said. "Oh wait, I have to repeat this again later on."

--One Month Later--

"I'm going to stay up for a little while and watch the stars, ok?" Allen said to Kanda.

"What, just make sure you get some sleep eventually. And don't make too much noise when you come back to the room," Kanda said. Yes, while it was true that they were on a large ship that had plenty of room they were stuck in the same sleeping area. That way the chances of one of them (most likely Allen) getting killed in the night were less.

Allen wandered up to the deck of the ship and leaned against the cool wooden rail. He looked up at the glowing moon.

"Tim," he said quietly, for fear of breaking the magic that was created by the sound of the waves and the light of the moon. "I have a problem."

Tim floated in what Allen could only guess was a curious manner.

"I don't think I'm completely…straight," he said. "I mean, I've never had a crush on anyone before. Normally I would think I'm A sexual, cause that means that you don't find either sex appealing, but then I kinda remember that video you showed me of that time when Koumi accidently got me drunk and kissed me, and how I didn't push him away, and how afterwards I found it oddly, arousing. Well, if I'm not gay I'm defiantly bi," he finally concluded.

Tim fluttered around Allen's head, no really caring about what Allen said, but there anyways.

"Well, that explain why I always want to be alone in the bathroom. Like deep down I knew and was trying to hide it from myself. Which if kind of confusing," he thought about all the time he had run out of the bath house early when Kanda came in. Feeling something odd in his lower half he looked down. There was a small tent formed in his pants.

"Frig, I thought myself horny," he said embarrassed, not noticing the older teen duck away.

Kanda could not believe what he had just head. He had harmlessly come up to find the silver haired boy. And he found him all right, telling a golem he was into men and woman. Although that made it seem a lot less strange for Allen running out of the bath room whenever someone entered it. That had always disappointed Kanda slightly.

Wait, what?

Why was Kanda disappointed when he didn't get to see Allen in his naked glory. He wasn't…gay was he?

"Great," Kanda muttered. "Now the moyashi's got me questioning my sexuality. Life doesn't get much better than this."

**

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He he, a funny chapter. Now Allen's figured out his sexuality (well, determined that he's at least a Bi-Sexual). And Kanda's thinking over everything he's done now. Please review.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	9. Fear

**Yay!!! I updated really early despite the fact that I only got three reviews so far. So everyone go back and review chapter 8. DO IT NOW!!!**

**Don't own D.Gray-Man.

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**They had spent a total of one month on the boat. Nothing had really happened since the night that Kanda had overheard Allen's confession. Well, at least nothing was different with Allen. He was still cheerful around everyone and didn't treat anyone differently.

Kanda on the other hand…

Kanda began to get really jumpy. He was always looking over his shoulder to see if Allen was there, starring at his ass or something. Or to see if Allen was currently making out with the finder or something like that. And whenever he was in the same room as Allen he would almost pass out. He didn't really know why though. He knew Allen would never jump him or anything, and Allen claimed he was Bi, not full out gay.

He had also spent at least two nights out of a week staying awake, thinking about wither or not he was gay. Damn that moyashi for giving him these thoughts.

It was the second week in the second month when it happened. There was a raging storm outside so everyone was told that they would have to go to bed early. Kanda and Allen didn't really mind. 'Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise' that's what Allen always said. Kanda just didn't want to deal with the thought of the little moyashi creeping somewhere anymore. When they were in their room Kanda knew Allen was just above him, and if Allen ever tried to come down from the top bunk to molest Kanda, Kanda would already know and be prepared. Not that that had ever happened.

The ship rocked. Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes it was a strong lurch that threatened to knock someone from their bed, other times it was a soothing rocking pattern that could gently lull you to sleep.

There was one particularly strong lurch that sent Allen flying. Right off the top bunk, and into Kanda's bed, right on top of the older teen's chest to be exact.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Kanda. I didn't mean to fall on you I swear!" Allen said terrified that he would be killed right there.

"Get off me Moyashi," Kanda growled. "And do something to make sure you don't fall again. Chain yourself to the bed perhaps?" he said.

'Oh my god, I shouldn't say stuff like that!' he thought. 'That was a gay though. I must banish it from my mind. DIE YOU EVIL THOUGHT!' Kanda yelled in his mind.

Allen just got off Kanda quickly and pulled himself back up onto his bed. And there he stayed. Until another big wave hit the ship. He fell from heaven into Kanda's bed once again.

"Bean sprout," Kanda growled at the silver haired boy.

"I'm moving! I'm moving!" he said as he climbed into his bed for the third time that night. And there he stayed. For about five minutes. Then it was back to Kanda's bed via gravity.

"I'm sorry!" Allen said once again. This time when he made a move to leave Kanda's arm wrapped around him.

"Don't bother," he said when Allen looked at him with a questioning look. "You're just going to fall on me again."

"So you want me too sleep on the floor instead?" Allen asked shocked at the heartless suggestion.

"No, knowing your luck you'll roll into something and bash your head and die. Just stay here and face away from me," Kanda said.

Allen seemed slightly stunned, but then he smiled. Now Kanda would stop him from rolling off. He quickly crawled under the blankets and fell asleep.

Kanda on the other hand just stared at the wall. He couldn't believe he had told the moyashi to stay. This was one point gained for the 'I might be gay' part of his mind. So instead of sleeping he just lay there. Back to back with Allen.

And too make matters worse. Allen moaned.

Whatever chance Kanda had of sleeping shot right out the window. He listened closely to what Allen was saying.

"Oh Jerry, yes, give it to me," he said. Kanda's eyes widened. He was having a fantasy to the cook!

"Jerry, give it to me. Give me the roast beef," the teen moaned again. Kanda nearly fell out of his bed. The other boy was dreaming of food!

Kanda shuffled around a little bit more in the bed, noting the slight pain coming from the area between his legs. Looking down he came up with one conclusion.

'Well,' he thought. 'I'm defiantly not straight. In some way I'm bent.'

Finally he fell asleep, his mind worn out from thinking too much.

--Morning--

Allen woke up very well rested, and slightly hungry. But that was normal for him when he first woke up.

Kanda on the other hand woke up grumpy. What little time he had to sleep was disturbed because he had to keep getting up and leaving to go to the bathroom. To put it very simply Kanda was not in a good mood.

"Hmm, I'm hungry," Allen said as he crawled out of Kanda's bed.

"Is that all you care about? Your stomach? All you ever do is eat, eat, and eat! Maybe that's why your suck a crappy exorcist, because instead of fitting or training your too busy stuffing your face!"

Allen looked at Kanda, tears filling up in his eyes. He hadn't meant to make the older male so made at him. If he had known Kanda was in such a bad mood he would have stayed quiet. Instead of staying behind to apologize to Kanda like he normally would he ran out of the room crying.

Kanda watched the young boy run from the room, immediately feeling bad for what he had said to the boy. He didn't actually mind how much Allen ate because he knew that the boy needed it to support his Innocence.

Innocence, that what was causing this whole mess. The false sense of security that often developed into a feeling of lust. Or love if the people lived long enough. But that scared Kanda.

That explained it. That's why he had yelled at Allen when all Allen had said he was hungry. Kanda was scared. He wasn't scared of Allen. No.

He was afraid to love.

* * *

**I love writing about teen puberty and romance. Can't say I enjoy going through it all that much, but it's pretty fun to write.**

**REVIEW OR I WON'T UPDATE FOR A WEEK!!!**

**Pay Backs a Bitch.**


	10. Rough Seas

**OMG!!! It's been too long. So here's the new chapter.**

**I don't own D.Gray-Man (This is a rushed disclaimer because I've got Kanda Yu aka the writer of ****The Bitter and the Sweet is breathing down my neck)

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**It had been a two days since Kanda had yelled at Allen. Since then he had only seen the white haired boy when he climbed into bed late at night. Allen was always gone in the morning, which surprised Kanda because normally he was the first to wake.

"Ah, Kanda-san you should really go down to the kitchen soon," The finder said.

"I already ate, why should I go back?" Kanda asked.

"Well, there's enough food left over from breakfast again and they can't waste it," the finder said.

"Leftovers again? There shouldn't be any leftovers. We have a parasite exorcist on board; there should never be any leftover food. There should be people who are still kind of hungry on board," Kanda said getting angry.

"Well, Master Walker had a normal sized proportion at breakfast. Then I saw him head to the training room. He's been there a lot actually."

"What do you mean?" Kanda asked. "How long?"

"He usually goes to train at sunrise, gets breakfast, trains again for a while, eats lunch, trains again until dinner, then he showers and meditates until well past midnight," the finder said.

"How do you know that?" Kanda asked.

"Well, as part of his training he has me sparring with him. Other than that I don't know what he's doing."

"Excuse me. I need to talk to my partner," Kanda said storming out of the room.

Kanda couldn't believe that Allen had really taken what he had said to heart. Of course he did! Allen took everything to heart, even the smallest comments. Why had he said such horrible things to Allen? He stormed down up to the training area.

There was Allen, breathing hard, and sweating. He had his bare back to Kanda with his shirt discarded in the corner. Clutched in his right hand was a long wooden pole that looked like it had taken quite a beating. A few feet away from Allen was a strange man with blonde hair and a toothpick in his mouth that was red faced and breathing very hard, yet he had a smile on his face.

"Very good Allen, you've been practicing without me I see," the man said.

"Thanks Cid. I need as much training as possible," Allen said.

"Yeah well. I'm tired and there's someone here. It's not safe for someone else to be in here when you start swinging that pole around. Maybe next week we'll switch the wooden staff for an actual blade."

"Sounds like a plan," Allen said finally turning around.

Only to stop.

"Hey Cid, mind if I mediate with you for a while?" Allen asked avoiding Kanda's eyes.

"Yeah sure, I don't see why not," Cid said.

"I do. I'm afraid that Allen has been neglecting to talk to me for the past couple of days and it's time I end this," Kanda said.

"Okay, see you after dinner Allen," Cid said getting ready to take his leave.

"Okay," Allen said.

"Actually, Allen has a prior engagement after dinner he can't get out of," Kanda said.

"I do?"

"He does?"

"He does."

"Well then, I'll see you tomorrow then Allen," Cid said as he walked out of the room.

"What exactly do you want to say to me this time?" Allen said. "Is my hair too long that it covers me eyes? Because yours is longer. Or so I sleep too much now? Because I'll give that up too if that's what you want!" Allen said in a bitter tone that shocked Kanda. Had he really sounded that harsh last week?

"No, actually I was here to tell you to eat more because I know your cutting back, to sleep more because your going to fall asleep in your dinner soon, and to train less because your going to be so sore when we get off this boat that you won't be able to move for the next three weeks."

Allen opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by an intercom.

"Attention all passengers," the voice said. "Due to the storm last week we have been put off track slightly. The ship will be anchored for the next few hours while the sails are being re-adjusted. During this time you may go swimming if you wish. Thanks you, and please enjoy the rest of your trip."

"Excuse me," Allen said.

"Where are you going? I don't remember telling you I was done," Kanda said.

"I'm going for a swim because it's something I enjoy and I can't always do it. Now move."

Kanda stood there, frozen. Had the Moyashi just talked back to him? Eventually he snapped out of it and headed onto the deck, to see Allen jumping off the side of the boat.

"Get out of there!!!" he screamed.

"No, and you can't make me," Allen said.

"Get out of the water!" Kanda screamed.

"Why?"

"Because there is a huge ass wave coming right at us!" Kanda yelled pointing to the wave. Allen turned his head just in time to be shoved under the water. Kanda watched the surface of the water and waited for Allen's head to pop back up. It was taking too long. Then Allen's head popped out of the water, but his eyes were closed and there was another wave coming.

Kanda tore his jacket off, kicked off his boots, removed Mugen and dove into the water. He re-surfaced and headed straight towards Allen, hoping he would beat the wave that was almost upon them.

He did.

Right as he grabbed Allen's arm he was forced under the water again. He struggled with their combined weight to get to the surface before it was too late for Allen. He didn't know why it mattered so much. Something about the way Allen has been treating him over the past couple of days has made him very lonely, and that was just when Allen was ignoring him. He didn't really know what would happen if Allen was gone forever.

"Help!" he screamed when he broke the surface. "He's unconscious."

He saw a bunch of people running around on deck and eventually a rope ladder was thrown down. He slung Allen over his shoulder and climbed up it.

"Take him down to the doctor's ward. He swallowed a lot of water and is malnourished," Kanda explained to the people who were lying Allen down on the ground. Nodding in his direction they moved Allen below deck.

"That was a brave thing you did there son," a tall man said with short messy black hair said.

"Yeah, don't expect me to go in after you," Kanda said as he grabbed his stuff and headed towards his bunk. He grabbed a fresh pair of pants and changed into dry clothes before going to see Allen.

"What's going on?" Kanda asked the doctor when he got to the doctor's ward.

"He'll be fine. He just needs to eat more, and rest for a couple of days. There's only a few days left on the boat. Unfortunately because of the storm it's taken more than the usual two months. But we should be in Canada by the end of the week. So I'd say keep him in bed until then."

"Understood," Kanda said nodding.

So he watched as Allen slept for three days straight while being fed through a tube. On the fourth and final day at sea Allen woke up.

"Urg," he said groaning. "I have the biggest headache ever. Did Kanda kill me?"

"No, but I should have."

Allen turned his head to face the swordsman.

"Do you know what you did? You starved yourself to the point where you fainted. In the water no less. Did I mention that there was a huge wave coming as well? I had to save your ass or else you would have died."

"Sorry. Just add this to the list of things that you hate about me," Allen said in a defeated voice. He had tried to become a better exorcist but in the end he had failed. Kanda would mock him about this forever.

"And the ship is going to be docking in an hours time so get ready to leave," Kanda said. Allen sighed and decided he might as well crawl out of bed and get ready now. As Kanda turned to leave he said one last thing.

"For future reference, I'm not a morning person so don't take what I say first thing in the morning to heart again."

--

Allen and Kanda got off the ship and walked into the busy street.

"Are we supposed to find the Order by ourselves?" Allen asked.

"No, someone should be sent to show us the way," Kanda said.

They walked around town looking for someone in an exorcist jacket or a finder's coat. Normally they would have just called but the finder that had been on the ship with them was on a different mission.

"Hey, Kanda…" Allen said.

"Yes Moyashi?" Kanda asked offhand.

"Is it just me, or is the crowd parting?"

"It's not just you Moyashi, they are parting." Kanda said not really paying that much attention.

"Right, new question. Is something coming at us?

"Yes, I think there is something coming at us," Kanda said just realizing they might be in danger.

"Don't you think we should…?"

"MOVE!" Kanda yelled shoving Allen out of the way. Just in the nick of time to because suddenly three girls were on the ground where they had just been.

"Awww man, we dove to late." A girl with short black hair said.

"It's your fault Nikki," a girl with long purple hair said.

"I wanted to hug them!!!" the youngest of the three said.

"Guys," a shorter girl with long brown hair said.

"Yeah guys. There new to the country, we don't need to scare them away." The final girl said. She looked like a female Kanda actually. She turned to face them.

"Hello, my name is Yuan, the girl with the brown hair and glasses is Laura, the one with the black hair is Nikki, purple hair is Destiny, and the youngest of us with the long black hair is Victoria."

"Hello, my name is Allen Walker," Allen said extending his hand towards Yuan. "And this is Kanda."

"Hello Allen and Kanda welcome to the Canadian Black Order."

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**Ok, two of the people are from random animes, but the 3 of the OC's are based on my friends and the other two are based on two authors I know.**

**REVIEW!!!**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	11. So Tell Me About Yourself

**Ok Yuu, I get it. I need to update more or else you'll fly down and kill me. For everyone else I'm sorry for the long wait. Please enjoy this installment of Novocain Doesn't Really Stop the Pain. I know some people don't like the OC's but there's a reason I made them.**

**1. This way Allen and Kanda won't be sent on a million solo missions for the next three months. There can actually be some Yullen development.**

**2. They are comic relief people! Learn to love them**

**I don't own D.Gray-Man. I don't even have a plushie or anything.

* * *

**

"So," Allen said as he rode his horse alongside the other girls and Kanda. "Tell me about yourselves."

Laura spoke up.

"Yuan, 14 with long black hair and blue eyes, heritage is Japanese. Innocence is weapon type in the form of a katana. Interesting facts about Yuan are that she is only calm around me, and develops a slight twitch before doing her famous 'Omega Glomp'."

"You missed a part," Yuan said.

"Really? What part was that?" Allen asked.

"The part where I'm batman."

"Because your not batman," Laura said.

"DAMMIT YES I AM!!!!"

"Moving along. Next is Nikki. Age 15 with black hair, length may vary, and brown eyes. Innocence is Parasite in the form of hair that can grow at will and become razor sharp. Interesting facts are that Nikki is very silly and known to go along with ridiculous plans even if it goes against her better judgment. Has issues with swans and other large birds."

"I have a legitimate reason for that, ok!" Nikki piped up.

"Really? Can you tell us?" Allen asked curious. Kanda scoffed next to him hoping for the silence to return.

"Well you see, when I was a little girl I went to the park with my grandmother. And I was eating a sandwich when I saw this hungry looking duck. So me, being the nice person I am, decided to throw a piece of bread to the duck. Well out of no where this crazy ass swan swoops down and eats the bread, and then it comes after me and tries to get the rest of the bread."

"Sounds terrifying," Kanda mocked.

"It was," Nikki said missing the sarcasm.

"The third exorcist is Destiny, age 16 with medium length purple and brown eyes. Innocence is weapon style in the form of a gun with limitless bullets. Interesting facts about Destiny are that she often comes up with bad ideas when bored. She is also known to look herself up for hours at a time then appear with a project she has just finished."

"People think I'm anti-social," said Destiny.

"Gee, I wonder why that is?" Kanda muttered not trusting any of the new people. They all seemed rather strange.

"Victoria, age 14 with long black hair and blue eyes. Innocence is weapon in the form of a bow and arrow. Interesting facts about Victoria are that she is the youngest exorcist in the history of the North American Branches, and is very acrobatic." Laura said.

"I perform every other Thursday," she said smiling.

"And finally me," Laura said. "Age 15 with long brown hair and brown eyes. Innocence is weapon in the form of Sia. Interesting facts about me are that I am able to retain large amounts of knowledge. Most of the time I'm calm but can get silly/angry when provoked."

"Wow, you guys seem really cool," Allen said.

"Yes, now I believe that this is where Destiny, Nikki, and Victoria must leave us," Yuan said.

"Why?"

"Because they have a mission to go on," Laura said.

"Oh, good luck with it!" Allen called.

"You two!! See you in about a week or so!"

So now it was just Allen, Kanda, Yuan and Laura in the group.

"So what's going to happen when we get there?" Kanda asked after a while of almost complete silence.

"Well, first we're going to get some hot chocolate. You two must be freezing in this Canadian weather," Yuan said. "We're used to it since we've lived here all our lives."

"What parts are you from?" Allen asked.

"I'm from the West Coast, British Columbia," Yuan said. "And Laura over there is an Ontario Native."

"What about the other girls?"

"Destiny was originally from Alberta, but moved to Ontario at a young age. Nikki was born in the Yukon and came to Ontario when she joined the Order. Victoria's from The East Coast. Lived in New Brunswick for most of her live," Yuan said. "What about you guys?"

"I was born and raised in England," Allen said with a smile.

"I came to England from Japan when I was found by my master," Kanda said.

"Cool, I'm Japanese too kind of," Yuan said.

"Kind of? How are you 'kind of' Japanese?" Kanda asked.

"Well my parents moved to Canada and then I was born. So by law I'm Canadian, but I have a strong Japanese background," Yuan explained.

"Oh, I see," Allen said.

"But after hot chocolate you'll get to settle into your rooms and meet the science head. She's a nice girl, but her brain is scattered."

"How so?" Kanda asked worried.

"Well, she's forever losing papers, but she almost always finds them. And if she doesn't she just makes new copies of them. She's usually very nice but has her evil moments. You won't see her that much overall."

"Is she like Bak-chan? Wanting Koumi's job?" Allen asked.

"Not in the least bit. She's actually kind of pissed she has so much power. Says that her ass in just on the line more."

"So she shrinks in her duties?" Kanda asked.

"No, as much as she hates her job she loves to get stuff done. When we asked her why she said she was getting paid to do something right, not to do something half-ass."

"Anything we should know ahead of time?" Allen asked.

"Don't touch her feet. She has a foot complex," Laura said.

"Any reason why?" Kanda asked. It wasn't everyday you found out that your temporary boss had a problem with people touching her feet.

"When she was just a little girl she liked to play in the village circle with all the other children, and they played a game known as Freeze. You act out a scene and then someone yells freeze and the two people acting stop. The person who yells freeze then takes one of the positions and makes a new scene. Well she had 'broken' her leg when a traveler's child called freeze. When he changed the scene he tried to give her a foot massage. No matter how hard she tried he wouldn't let go of her foot and he actually managed to get her shoe off. Eventually she ran off crying. Ever since then she has had foot issues."

"That's horrible," Allen said.

"That's ridiculous," Kanda muttered.

"Anyways we'll be there in a few minutes."

And sure enough after ten more minutes of riding they approached a tower that looked like it might belong to a Forest Ranger.

"It goes underground too," Laura said.

Allen and Kanda could see a woman standing by outside of what looked to be the entrance. It was a woman in about her mid twenties with long brown hair and blue eyes.

"There she is, our scattered brained leader," Yuan said smiling.

"Hello Laura, Yuan. Welcome to our humble home Allen and Kanda!" she called.

"Hello err... I'm sorry I don't know your name," Allen said sliding off his horse. Laura took the reigns and led the four horses away to the stable.

"My name is Shawnie, and I'll be attempting to run things," she said smiling.

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**Yes I added myself in. I have the smallest part though so don't be expecting me a lot. I also will never have all the OC's in the same chapter again. It gets too confusing. Also the swan story and the foot complex story are true. They actually happened. (Laura and Destiny will also have embarrassing stories later on aswell)**

**Pay Backs a Bitch.**


	12. What is Pain?

**Here's the newest and coolest, and one of the longest chapters of Novocain Doesn't Really Stop the Pain. It's a new years gift.**

**I don't own D.Gray-Man. Never have, never will.**

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"And here," Laura said. "Are your bedrooms."

Allen and Kanda looked at identical wooden doors that were spaced 10 feet apart.

"We're neighbors?" Allen asked.

"Yes, we figured it would be good for you guys to have a familiar face nearby."

"Well, thank you," Allen said smiling.

"Your welcome, Yuan will be around later on to show you the dinning hall. Until then may I suggest that you unpack."

"Why won't you be showing us?" Kanda asked, annoyed that he was being thrown from host to host like a ball they could amuse themselves with.

"Because I'll be helping Shawnie out with the paperwork. Your arrival has added a heap of work to her desk.

"I'm sorry," Allen said.

"Don't worry about it. She'll pull through if we give her enough tea. Bye for now." And with that Laura walked down the hall and headed though another set of doors.

"It's seems like forever since we had time alone," Allen said.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Kanda asked in defense.

"Well, with there only being girls around here so far it's kind of nice to be alone," Allen said turning to the door to the right. "I'll see you soon Kanda."

"Yeah, whatever."

Kanda walked into his room and threw the suitcase on the floor before falling onto his bed. He slung a tired arm over his eyes and grumbled.

"Stupid girls; couldn't be all sexy and attractive and making me think dirty, inappropriate thoughts. Why don't I like boobs?"

Kanda, realizing he was talking to himself out loud again, decided to shut up and unpack. There was no point in living out of a suitcase for the next three months.

"_Ah, Yuan. It's good to see you. Are you here to show us where the cafeteria is?" _

Kanda could hear Allen though the wall between them. Hopefully Allen hadn't been listening to closely when he was having that conversation with himself.

"_Actually Allen, I wanted to see you, alone."_ Kanda wondered what Yuan would want with Allen.

"_Of course, let's walk."_ And then Kanda was greeted with the sound of a closing door and retreating footsteps. He was officially alone. No one was there to keep him company, he didn't know where anything was so there was no where to wander off to. It was just him, his empty room, and Allen's empty room. No one was there to stop Kanda from wandering into Allen's room and rummaging through his things and reading his diary.

Except Tim.

Damn.

Maybe he could work around that small little factor. Tim would give the diary up to whoever knew the password.

This is how ten minutes later Kanda found himself sitting on his bedroom floor talking to a golem.

"I love food."

Nothing.

"Food?"

Tim just hovered in place.

"Mana Walker?"

Tim started chasing his tail.

"Dango."

Around and around the golem spun. Like a confused puppy.

"I'm a bi sexual."

Tim stopped spinning, and opened his mouth to revel the diary. Kanda greedily snatched it and then Tim began to chase his tail again.

Kanda cracked open the diary and turned to an entry that was written just after Mana's death

--Diary Entry--

_What is pain? It's a feeling that under normal circumstances cannot be created by the body. When those circumstances change though, so can the feelings._

_Pain is just something felt by a living organism. It comes in many shapes; pleasure is a form of pain in a way. But really, what is pain?_

_Pain is a foreign feeling that the body doesn't like. It is unpleasant and action is usually taken to make it stop. But once a body gets used to a certain type of pain, is it still pain?_

--End Diary Entry--

That's all that was written. Allen's definition of pain and what it was. Did that mean that Allen still felt pain, but it had been there so much he didn't notice? That was horrible. No one should have that much pain to deal with.

Flipping though a few more pages he found one with just a bunch of random lines from different songs.

--Diary Entry--

_I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night. He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast, and he's gotta be larger than life. **-Bonnie Tyler**_

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along. –__**Marron5**_

_The smile when you tore me apart. You took my heart, deceived me right from the start. You showed me dreams; I wished they turn into real. You broke a promise and made me realize. It was all just a lie. –__**Within Temptations**_

_Everything is changing, and no one's left that's real, to make up your own ending, lemme know just how you feel. -__**Puddle of Mudd**_

_And I will go down with this ship. I'll push myself and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door. I'm in love, god will spare me. –__**Dido**_

--End Diary Entry--

"Hmmm," Kanda said closing the diary and handing it back to Tim. "Allen sure seems to like love songs."

Meanwhile with Allen and Yuan

"So Allen, how do you like our Order so far?' the Asian girl asked.

"It's pleasant. For the hour I've been here."

"Yeah, guess I should wait about a week and then ask. I just get bored easily. Not really a good thing for me."

"Why is it a bad thing?"

"Well, I like to try new things when I'm bored. Things that shouldn't be tried unless you have a degree in that subject."

"Meaning…?"

"Chemicals."

"Oh."

"Yeah, that's why I'm not helping everyone in the science section. Last time I did something happened…"

"What kind of something?"

"Go boom."

"Oh, well then."

"Yeah."

"So…what did you want to talk about?" Allen asked.

"Nothing special. Just your friend."

"You mean Kanda?"

"Yeah, Kanda," she said dreamily. "Do you know if he's seeing anyone?"

"I don't think he is."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I've never seen him interested in anyone."

"Oh," the girl said, a small frown creeping across her face which threw Allen into a pool of guilt.

"But maybe he's looking for someone of his own nationality."

"Could you help me win him over? Please Allen? Pretty please with lots of food on top?"

"Yeah, I guess I could try to help you. What do you want to know?"

"Umm, what's his favourite food? Then I could cook it for him."

"His favourite food is Soba and Tempura. That's all he ever eats."

At this point Allen and Yuan had reached Allen's bedroom door. Kanda, who was about to step into the hallway, saw the door and shut his door a little.

"Thanks so much Allen!" Yuan yelled throwing her arms around Allen's shoulders.

"No problem Yuan. Anytime," Allen said smiling. The boy looked so happy from Kanda's point of view. With his hands wrapped around Yuan's slim waist. While he not have found the girl to be attractive it was clear that Allen did. Which, you know, was fine by him. He wasn't gay or anything. No, he was a perfectly normal straight boy.

…Who didn't like boobs.

"Fuck," he whispered.

"Huh? Kanda is that you?" Allen called.

"Yes Moyashi, it's me. Now if you don't mind I'm slightly hungry and would enjoy going down to eat."

"WAIT RIGHT HERE!" Yuan called before dashing off.

"She must have forgotten that we don't know where the cafeteria is," Allen said rubbing the back of his head.

"Then let's just follow the path of destruction she left behind in her wake," Kanda said as he followed said path.

After a fifteen minute hike across rocks and furniture and other stuff that Yuan managed to knock out of her way. Finally they reached the cafeteria, which was strangely on fire in certain parts.

"Ah Kanda," Yuan called from behind the counter where food was ordered. "Just the man I wanted to see. Come here, I made you something."

Kanda walked over, caution in his every step, until he reached the counter. "Yes?" he inquired.

"I made you food!" Yuan called happily.

"Is it edible?" he asked looking behind her and into the kitchen. There was a small fire in the corner, and pipes were ripped out the of ceiling with water leaking from them.

"Of course it's edible silly," she said. "Here, take it."

Kanda reached out and grabbed the plate, it somewhat resembled the lunch he was used to.

"Umm, thank you I suppose," he said.

"Any time Kanda, anytime. You wake me from the middle of my sleep if you start to crave it and I'll eagerly come and cook for you."

"Yes, I'm sure you will."

Yuan stepped out from behind the counter.

"Excuse me, Yuan?" Allen asked.

"Yes Allen?" she asked.

"Is anyone going to be able to cook in there any time soon?"

"No, not until tomorrow at least. Why?"

"Well, I'm kind of a parasitic type, and I've been half starved for the past three months, so I was hoping on having a big meal tonight."

"Oh Allen, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you starve. When was the last time you ate?"

"Not since yesterday, and I'm starting to feel kind of light headed. Is there anything in there? Maybe an apple or a peach or something?"

"Sorry Allen, there's no fruit grown this time of year. We have it shipped in every few weeks, and the next shipment isn't until next week. We better get you to the hospital wing."

"I don't think it's that bad Yuan," Allen said.

"It's a procedure. One time Nikki didn't eat for a whole day, and that night she was crying from the pain in her stomach. You're bound to feel the hunger later on."

"Really, all I need is a light snack or something," Allen said as Yuan grabbed his arm. "Stop," he said. When Yuan didn't stop he began to struggle. "Let me go, I don't need to go to the hospital wing. There just going to shove an IV in my arm."

"Yuan," Kanda called. "Can you please bring the Moyashi over here for a moment? I need to talk to him."

"Ok Kanda," Yuan said eager to please. Then she dragged Allen's body over to Kanda.

"Thanks you Yuan, now if you would be so kind as to leave us alone for a minute."

"Of course Kanda."

"What do you want Kanda?" Allen asked when Yuan walked out of the room.

"Do you know how to use chop sticks?"

"That's an odd question."

"Just answer it bean sprout."

"No, I don't know how to use chopsticks."

"Fine then, I'll have to do t his the hard way. Say 'Ah' Moyashi."

"Wh-" Allen was cut off by a pair of chopsticks holding noodles into his mouth. He quickly swallowed the food and looked over at Kanda. "What was that about?"

"Do you want to go to the hospital wing and have them figure out your filthy habit when they put a needle in you?" Kanda asked.

"No," Allen said dejectedly.

"Then quit talking and open wide," Kanda ordered.

--

Yuan watched from the hall as Kanda fed Allen by hand. While neither of them was aware of a small little fact, she was.

"They love each other," she said.

**Ta-da. Please review.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	13. I feel icky

**Don't kill me, I know it's been forever and the chapters short, but I've been super busy with Sears (Drama festival) lately. Only to lose last week. Then I went into an emotional pile of angst over I guy I saw there. So yeah, I was emo.**

**I still don't own it.

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**

After eating the meal, they started to explore the Order. Yuan, for whatever reason, had run off screaming something about caterpillars. They had watched her run in circles for about three minutes before she tripped. The amazing part was that it took her full minute to fall. As if she was in slow motion.

"Well," Allen said as she finally left their view. "That was…"

"Creepy, disturbing, insane, all of the above?" Kanda offered sarcastically.

"..Interesting," Allen finished.

"Sure Moyashi, whatever you say. That wasn't weird. Not at all," Kanda muttered.

"What did you just say?" Allen asked hotly.

"You heard me," Kanda said back, neither of them noticing the third person to enter the area. "Does being short make you dumb as well?"

"No, I was giving you a chance to redeem yourself. You FAILED!"

"The only thing I failed at doing, was failing to not leave you for death on our first mission!"

"That sentence doesn't even make sense!"

"You don't make sense!"

"Listen here you- oh," Allen leaned over, clutching his stomach.

"What happened? What's wrong? ANSWER ME DAMMT!" Kanda yelled at Allen hunched over figure.

"Shut up BaKanda," Allen moaned.

"What's wrong?" Kanda asked calmer.

"My tummy hurts," Allen said in a soft voice.

"Your _tummy _hurts?" Kanda asked more questions Allen's choice of words rather than the sentence.

"Yes, my tummy hurts," Allen said. "Go get someone. I think it was that food."

"Okay," Kanda turned to go find one of the many girls in the area when he heard Allen fall. Hurriedly he turned around, where he saw Allen lying face first on the floor, his arms wrapped around his abdomen and a look of pain on his face. Kanda decided it would be better to take the sick boy with him rather than leaving him to lie on the cold stone floor. So he picked Allen up and headed in what he hoped was the direction of the infirmary.

As Kanda rushed past numerous doors, he failed to notice Laura.

"Where are you going with Allen?" she asked.

"He's sick."

"Oh my, to the infirmary then," Laura said turning around.

"Where are you going?" Kanda asked not moving.

"This is the correct way to the infirmary," Laura said. Kanda scowled, someone even when Laura was helping she seemed to be mocking him. Kanda followed Laura until they reached a pair of double doors.

"Thanks," he mumbled under his breathe.

"Pardon? I didn't hear you," Laura said.

"I said Thank you," Kanda repeated.

"Thank you for what?"

"Thank you for showing me where the infirmary is," Kanda said shaking visibly. His temper was running short.

Laura noticed this and decided to leave before she needed to go through the doors as well. "Well then, I'm off. Good luck Allen. Knowing Yuan's cooking skills or lack of, you'll need it." With that said Laura left, leaving behind a groaning Allen in an angry Kanda's arms.

"Kanda…" he muttered sickly. "Go instead before I throw up on you."

"If you throw up on me I won't hesitate to drop you in it," Kanda said darkly as he pushed open the doors. Instead there was a nurse, a male nurse.

"FINALLY!" Kanda said. "A MAN DOES LIVE IN THIS BULIDING!"

The male nurse looked up at Kanda's outburst. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid I don't swing that way. I'd be happy to show you a club where there are some gay men though."

"What are you talking about? I'm not gay! I choose vagina!" Kanda shouted.

"Of course you do sir, now what about the man in your arms?"

"How should I know what his sexual preference is? Do you think he's my boyfriend or something? Cause he isn't. I'm single. And straight," Kanda yelled.

"I was talking about his health…" the nurse said.

"…I knew that, I was testing you. Who are you actually?"

"I'm Jonathan, the head nurse of this establishment," the nurse answered.

"I'm Kanda, and this is Allen. Fix him."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He ate some of Yuan's cooking."

"He's still here."

The men looked down to see Allen looking at them with groggy eyes. He normally pale skin was grey with a red flush, and there was a thin layer of sweat over his brow. When Jonathan put his hand to Allen's forehead, he pulled it back quickly.

"He's burning up, lay him on the bed."

Kanda quickly laid Allen down on the bed. He propped his body off and took off the exorcist coat. Placing it in a neat pile by the bed he gently laid Allen down. Jonathan placed a cool rag on his forehead.

"That'll help break his fever; I'm going to go get an IV so he stays hydrated. Could you stay with him until I get back?"

"Wait!" Kanda called. "Where would the IV be going?"

"In his arm of course," Jonathan answered.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Kanda said.

"And why is that?"

"It's due to a previous…situation. Allen is afraid of needles and will have a panic attack if he's injected," Kanda lied.

"Well, that sure makes my life easier," Jonathan muttered sarcastically.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to do something?" Kanda asked.

"There's not much I can do, after all. He needs fluids to flush out the food, as well as more food which there isn't any of right now."

"When exactly is the food coming in? Yuan told me but I can't remember."

"Probably tomorrow."

"Ok," Kanda said getting up.

"And where do you think your going?"

"To my room? I'm not sick so why should I be here?"

"I have a patient whose medical history is a mystery to me. And you are the only person in the whole building who knows about it!"

"Can't you get the records from that Shawnie girl?"

"She won't know where they are until morning! I need information now. So you are going to stay with him for the evening. Got it?"

Kanda didn't know why, but there were little alarm bells going off in his brain telling him that defying this man was a bad idea.

"Che, whatever," he said crossing his arms.

"Good, I'm glad to know you agree. I'll grab some blankets for you two and you can pull up a bed," Jonathan said turning to go get the stuff. Kanda meanwhile looked down at Allen who had fallen asleep, or had just blacked out.

"Che, stupid Moyashi, passing out, getting sick, drowning. What the hell am I going to do with you?"

Just then Jonathan came back with the blankets and an extra pillow for Kanda.

"He should be able to be released tomorrow. Now have a good night's rest, and I'll see you in the morning." With that said Jonathan left the room, leaving the two exorcists behind.

"Che, what a pain," Kanda muttered as he sat down on the bed. Realizing he didn't have any of his nightwear items with him he cursed.

"Damn it, now I'm going to have to go topless, and knowing my luck one of those girls will be watching." Still, Kanda stripped himself of his coat and shirt and laid down on the bed.

--

"See? He totally loves the white haired shrimp," Yuan said to Laura from their hiding spot.

"I'm still not feeling it. He seems more confused than anything," Laura said.

"Whatever, we'll find out soon," Yuan said.

"Finding out later involves leaving Yuan," Laura said.

"Yeah, but you can kind of see his chest from this angle…"

"YUAN!!"

"I'm going, I'm going. Sheesh."

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**Done!! Please review.**

**Pay Backs (not) a (dead) Bitch**


	14. What was that noise?

**Wow, I can't imagine how many people want to kill me for not updating. There is an awesome plot twist in this chapter, and only one person (Victoria) is aware of it. So I hope it all makes sense.**

**I don't own D.Gray-Man**

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"Ok Kanda," Jonathon said at noon the next day. "You're free to go. Allen will be released later on. I suggest you go to your room and change."

"Che," Kanda said getting up, leaving Allen behind. His wandered around the tower until he came across the hallway that his room was in. Before he headed into his room though, he snagged Tim from Allen's room.

"Ok golem," Kanda said ignoring how Tim seemed to fly angrily. "I know you want me to know about Allen's past without him knowing that I know, so tell me what I need to know."

Tim opened up his mouth, showing off Allen's beloved diary. He grabbed it and flopped down on the bed. He decided that he wanted to know more about Allen's life before he really knew Mana, so he turned to one of the earliest pages.

-Diary-

_Dear Diary_

_Today I met a very nice (but still kind of mean) boy. He looked Asian, with shoulder length black hair and dark eyes. He came into town with this guy who looked nothing like him. The old guy had big frizzy hair, glasses, and lots of art stuff._

_Anyways, I was in the market trying to steal something to eat. I had my eye on this really nice looking loaf of bread. But then when I went to knick it, the guy caught my by my wrist. I shit my eyes when I saw him raise his closed fist. As I waited for the impact on my body, I wished that I had set my standards lower, but now I had to pay the price. But the sharp, stinging pain never came. I cracked one eye open and saw the older boy from earlier (he couldn't be more than two or three years older than me) stopping him._

_After that there was a lot of screaming, yelling, and threatening. But in the end the boy managed to get me away unharmed, but he wouldn't let me go. I tried to shrug him off, but he held on tighter with his one hand, and he used the other to put something in my hand. It was the bread!_

"_Don't get caught next time squirt," he said. And then he left._

_I know it sounds really lame, and sad, but I think I loved him. Even though we're both boys. He was the first person my age to care about me._

-End Diary-

Kanda put the diary away when he heard voices outside of his room.

"Get the new kid," he heard Shawnie yell. "Now that everyone's back and there are male exorcist in the building I have to do a presentation."

Suddenly his door crashed in. There were two faces looming at him.

"Hello," they said at the same time. "We won't hurt you, just come with us, quietly. Don't struggle…." If Kanda didn't know they were exorcist, he would have killed them on the spot for being so creepy.

"Who are you again?" he asked.

The dark haired one answered first. "I'm Nikki, the ultra amazing one." Then the other one answered. "I am JACK! THE PUMPKIN KING! Nah, I'm Destiny."

The both looked at him again. "Now that you know who we are, come with us."

"Come into my parlor."

"Said the spider to the fly."

Kanda was really started to get freaked out. They were either saying stuff at the same time or they were finishing each other sentences. He almost passed out when another head entered his room.

"Oi, knock it off you too. It's really creepy when you guys do that," said the youngest looking of the heads. Destiny and Nikki pouted, but then left the room to torment Laura or something.

"Sorry about that," she said. "I'm Victoria if you can't remember."

"Thanks, for helping me with them I mean."

"No worries, I know how they can act sometimes. It's kind of like initiation for them. But anyways, we still need to head down to the meeting room. Your friend should already be there."

"He's not my friend, he's merely someone I am forced to interact with on a daily basis," Kanda said pulling his jacket on.

"Sure, see you in a few."

Kanda signed as he watched the head leave his door. He was used to having 2 females around, not 6. And he had to deal with Allen Walker as well. When it rained it poured.

"Ok," Shawnie said when Kanda finally entered the room and stood in the corner. "I'm pretty sure we all want to know what were here about. Well, there are a few things we need to talk about. One thing is missions. I know that Allen and Kanda are supposed to work together mostly, but I will have you know ahead of time that you will occasionally get a third member or a party, or you will get different partners completely. This can't be helped because sometimes people get sick. And winters in Canada are harsh, so we like to cycle the people in and out."

"That's fine with me. I'm sure it will be a pleasure to work with everyone," Allen said with a bright smile that Kanda knew was fake.

"Good, now the second matter id more for the boys. I'm aware of the amount of female exorcists that live in the England headquarters, and I know that there are more here. This is NOT an invitation to start bed hopping. If I find out that ANYONE is getting any, I will make sure that they will be cleaning the toilets for a month. With a toothbrush and no gloves. Get it? Got it? Good."

"Is that everything Shawnie?" Laura asked.

"Yes, go and enjoy your freedom whilst I stay in here and sign papers until I wither away and die like a prune."

"Shawnie, your metaphors are magical, but shut up," Yuan said, taking a moment of her 'Stare at Kanda' time.

"Yeah, whatever, just go. Except for Laura."

So everyone, except for Laura, left. And since it was dinner time, they headed to the (newly restored) dinning hall.

Kanda, Yuan, Destiny, and Victoria ordered their dinners first. Then Nikki ordered her large proportions, and finally Allen ordered his mountain of food.

"So," Allen said between his monster bites. "What's up with Shawnie and Laura? I mean, why is she the only one allowed to stay in Shawnie's office? Is there something else between them?"

All four of the girls laughed at Allen's question, causing the British boy to turn a light shade of pink.

"Sorry if it's a dumb question. I'm sorry," he muttered.

"No, that's not it," Yuan said. "It's just that your not the first person to ask if their gay for each other. To make the record straight though, no they aren't seeing each other. They're both straight. Shawnie just likes to make it seem that way, and Laura stopped arguing about it years ago."

"Oh, ok," Allen said.

"Well," Destiny and Nikki said. "We're tired, so we're off to bed. We suggest that you also go to bed." And with that said they both simultaneously got up and walked out the door.

"They scare me," Allen said closing his eyes.

"That's normal. Yuan used to be terrified by them. She actually tried pouring Holy Water on them once."

"What happened?" Kanda asked.

"She got Destiny right in the eye, so Destiny chased her around the building until Yuan collapsed and begged for mercy." Victoria explained.

"Victoria doesn't seem to be bothered with them," Yuan muttered.

"I used to be part of a circus. I've had dinner with bearded women; I can take Siamese twin wannabes."

"Yeah well, I'm going to bed," Yuan said leaving.

"Same here; do you two need help getting back to your rooms?"

"No, it's alright," Kanda said.

"Thanks for the off though," Allen said. The two males watched as the girls walked off, leaving them to their own accords.

"Well Kanda, I think now would be as good a time as any to go to bed. What happened to the day though?"

"Well, you didn't wake up until noon. The a few hours later we had a meeting which took a while, and then we had dinner, and we're still partially jetlagged."

"Oh, well let's go to bed then," Allen said as he headed towards the door. "Come on, I hope you don't expect me to lead us back to our rooms."

Kanda signed knowing he was right. He walked towards the door and didn't look to see if Allen was following him. He knew that the white haired exorcist would have to or he would end up spending the night in the hallways. The walk wasn't very long, 10 minutes at most.

"Well Kanda, thank you for your help. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Che, whatever." Kanda walked into his room without looking at Allen. He stripped himself of his coat and shirt and threw it too the floor. Then he kicked his boots and fell onto his bed. He had ever intention of going right to sleep, but there was only one thing stopping him. There was a noise that sounded a lot like someone retching in the room next to his.

Allen's room.

'What the hell?' Kanda though. 'Why would Allen let someone in his room if they were just going to throw up. Unless…he's the one throwing up. DAMNIT WHY THE HELL IS THE BOY WHO EATS FIVE TIMES HIS OWN BODY WEIGHT THROWING UP?!'

Kanda stood up and stormed out of his room and into Allen.

"MOYASHI! GET YOUR PALE WHITE ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" he screamed.

Moments later a paler than normal Allen appeared in the room. "Yes?" he asked in a somewhat horse voice.

"Care to tell me _why _I cane hear you throwing up?"

"No, not really." Apparently it was time for Sarcastic Allen to make an appearance.

"Let me ask you another question then. Where should I stick Mugen if you don't answer the question?"

"You wouldn't."

"Moyashi, don't you know that some of the world's greatest swordsmen have miscalculated the swing of their swords and killed themselves? I could very easily 'accidentally' stab you."

"You're too much of a perfectionist to stab a comrade."

"My sword is out, and I'm slightly drowsy. I can't be held completely responsible for my actions."

"Ok, okay, don't go and put me on the barbeque! Geez."

"I'm glad to see that we agree," the Asian teen said. "Now speak."

"My Innocence doesn't actually need all the food I give it. It needs certain things. One day it might need Iron, the next day it may need Carbs, sometimes it's Vitamin C. I can't tell which one it is, so I eat a lot of everything. After my Innocence takes what it needs, I'm left will all of the extra. I can't humanly stomach it all, so I get rid of it. There, happy?"

"I've never heard of this before," Kanda said.

"You've probably also never seen anyone, even another Parasite exorcist eat as much as me."

Now that Kanda thought about it, none of the other Parasite types ate as much as Allen. "So why do you need to eat so much more than them?"

"Because the curse makes it harder for me to read what my Innocence needs. Are we done now or do you have some other questions for me?"

"No, I'm done for now. Don't think this is the end though, I'm going to get to the bottom of this," Kanda said as he left the room.

"Yeah, I'm so sure you're going to do it. I control what you know and what you don't know," Allen muttered to himself.

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**Yay for the 14****th**** chapter! I'm so glad that I was able to come up with it. So I hope that the Innocence thing makes sense. If you have any questions ask me.**

**Please review.**

**Pay Backs a Bitch**


	15. Journal Entry

**Just to prove to everyone that I havn't forgotten you, I made a preview-ish thingy of the next chapter. It's actually more like a diary entry. Still, it's something to show I've got the ideas going again.**

Life is meaningless. It's not a stage, and we are not its actors. Life is a prison. It tells us when we can do something and when we can't. It tells us what we can do, and when we can do it. There are some who try to defy these rules.

They often leave and never come back.

Some people make it out of the prison alive. They become our guards. At first they swear that they will be responsible, and not abuse their power. They claim they'll help us.

And they do at first.

Then they forget where they came from. To them it becomes a rat race to the top. How many of us can they force to conform? How many of us will they lose in that process? We lose our value and become numbers. Some of us aren't even important enough to be considered numbers. We're just extras. A few of us may get lost, but no one will notice. No one will mourn for us. No one will mourn for _me._

I am a person, or so I am told.

I live, I breathe, and I eat. I feel happiness sometimes. I feel sadness most of the time. I hurt, I cry, I am living misery. I want it to end.

No, I don't.

I want someone to see behind my happy mask. Someone who can tell that yes, I am a caring person, but I need to be loved and taken care of. I want to be held, I want someone to tell me it's ok to cry. I don't want someone to solve my problems. I want someone to hear them.

But I have no one. I have people who think they fill that role for me, but they don't. I test them sometimes. I show a little emotion to see how they react. I retreat from them to see who will look for me. I angle my self away and cry.

And they hardly ever notice.

Ever wish you were invisible? That's a mistake. You need to be noticed by one person. Someone.

I need to be noticed by one person. Someone.

-Allen Walker

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**Ta-Da! Written like a true emo kid. I think. Actuall chapters will be coming soon.**

**Have a safe March Break.**

**-Pay Backs a Bitch**

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